4. :: "in a rush always"

Andrew sits in a coffee shop drinking a coffee. All he asked for was 'a coffee' and that is what he got. He worries that the people who work in the coffee shop, the baristas, judge him harshly for the simplicity of his order. But he would worry more about sounding ridiculous trying to order anything with word 'skinny' in it, and worry even more than that if he ended up drinking something that tastes of ginger and cinnamon and vanilla and chocolate but not at all like coffee. He likes sitting and drinking coffee and reading a book and scribbling on napkins.

There is a girl. A girl sometimes come into the coffee shop about this time between mondays and fridays and she drinks an espresso before collecting an order of around half a dozen drinks and taking them away, out of the coffee shop. Andrew likes to think that she is going back to work with the coffees and is in a rush always and takes this brief moment in the coffee shop to relax and think about the day and life and space and good things before rushing away back to a boss who can not appreciate her and colleagues who do not say 'thank you'. Forget them.

Forget them, Coffee Shop Girl, Andrew thinks. She looks over to Andrew and smiles a smile of recognition because Andrew always seems to be here. Andrew gives a little short wave with his left hand, holding a pen and she walks away out of the shop. Andrew has a list of questions on his notepad laid out on the table in front of him, many screwed up and torn pages stuffed in his pockets.

It is a sad list. It makes Andrew angry that he would even think of writing this list. This is a list of 'the most important questions in life right now'. Further down the list, after ten or more questions, there are things about work and money. The top of the list makes Andrew feel like an angsty teenager and want to sit in a bedroom with no lights on and paint his fingernails black and cry.

The first question reads, "1. Will anyone ever love me?"